Newsletter April 3, 2026

From Heartbreak to Hope: My Journey Through Lent and What Comes Next

I love this quote:
"You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." — C. S. Lewis

Happy Good Friday!

Here we are, almost at the end of Lent. I gave up social media and phone games for nearly 40 days, and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back. At one point, I was constantly posting and trying to figure out what others might like. I was trying to make things happen instead of letting things happen naturally.

What a waste! Trying to project what others may or may not like. Why couldn’t it just be about what I liked? It felt like a science experiment—what will the masses like? The truth is, I have no idea, and I don’t want to spend my time trying to figure it out.

I haven’t stopped my podcasts, though. I still do short solo episodes of about 15 minutes and occasionally have guests that I find interesting.

We all want to know the future—how long will this last, will I ever be happy again, or will I find joy forever? These are thoughts that have run through my mind many times.

This experiment of stepping away from social media has had a huge impact. I don’t waste time scrolling anymore; instead, I have time to think, pray, and do meaningful things. I can focus on the present moment instead of obsessing over what’s not in front of me. I’m living in the actual moments. Dreaming during the day and night has returned to me.

Speaking of dreams… I’ve put one into action! I’m heading to Amsterdam for a couple of weeks to see a friend. I don’t have a plan beyond that—I’m just going to see what God has in store.

The past nine months have been painful. I went through an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone: I was rejected by someone I truly loved, someone I gave everything to help. Instead, I was met with betrayal and sorrow. There’s nothing I can do to change what happened; I have to move forward and live my life carrying a sorrow I’ve never known.

But I dream that happiness and joy will return. I dream of peace. Today, I’m packing my bags and flying over an ocean to places I’ve never seen and experiences I’ve never had. Life is about moving through both the good and the bad. The bad has been overwhelming, but I keep walking, staying sober, attending meetings, and finding little things each day that make me smile.

Thinking about Good Friday—the day Jesus died on the cross—and the pain his mother Mary endured reminds me of my own struggles. My people haven’t died, but doors have closed, and I don’t have the key to open them. I must take care of myself, as foreign as that feels, and trust that God has a better plan than I could ever imagine.

Thank you for reading, and Happy Easter.

Sending you all blessings,
XOXO
Bizzy